When Kakashi's In advance
by HecateTombe
Summary: Everyone in Konoha could tell you this, Hatake Kakashi is never on time, except if it's a life-or-death situation. So when he's in advance ? When he is, the world comes crashing at your feet. You can ask Kurenai and Asuma. FemHarry/Kakashi


Hey all,

So I just ended this. At first it was supposed to be short and humoristic, but then I went and wrote all of this. I think it's still funny, but not so short anymore.

Still, I hope you will like it ?

(And for those who asked me, yes, I do plan to write both a sequel and a prequel for my first story "Team Seven's Strangest Day". Soon. I have other stories for now – though I _have been_ writing the prequel for a few days already).

Enjoy ?

* * *

The sun was shining warmly in the sky, its rays bathing Konoha, the ninja's village, in a golden light.

Said village was buzzing with activity, ninja and civilians alike conducting their business, some on the streets, the others running on the roofs, coming back from or going to missions.

In a part of the village, was what was most certainly the most protected and safe house of the whole village – more secure even than the Hokage's Clan Compound, or the Hokage Tower. Which was not a small feat.

In this house begins this story, with a lovely wife talking to her lovely husband, surrounded by their lovely devil- err, children.

Said wife was, at the moment, speaking ever-so-sweetly at her husband, who was very maturely attempting to win this battle.

"Go out, love. I have a appointment with a medic-nin, and I don't need you around", said a strict voice.

"But Hari-chan!", whined another voice, masculine. "Why can't I stay home?"

"No way!", firmly retorted the first voice. "I'm going to the medic-nin with the children, so they can redo their shots. But you take Sakumo to the park, or wherever you want. He needs air and sun".

"We have that in the garden!", argued the male. But, admittedly, his voice already held a defeated tone. He already knew he was not going to win this argument.

" _Love_ ", warned the woman. "You go to a nice place, then we join you when we're done, so we can eat the picnic as planned. You have a meeting with your team just after, so you can't be _more_ late than you already plan to be!".

"Still", muttered the male, "I could have stayed home with the pup, and we could have gone to eat after. Together".

"I won't return home after the medical visit, so you can't stay here. Do you really want to sleep on the sofa tonight? And every one of the following nights?", asked sweetly the woman – but her voice held an underlying tone of iron.

She wouldn't be moved.

"You wouldn't!", came the horrified reply.

"Try me", provoked the woman.

He didn't. He knew when to choose his battles.

Pouting, he sighed softly, cradled his newborn child to his chest, and left his house.

Now, to find a nice place. Where to go ?

* * *

Kakashi had a team meeting at ground training 7, with not only his team, but also with Asuma's, Gai's and Kurenai's teams.

It was supposed to be an inter-team competition, with teams mock-battling each other, in order to gain a better knowledge of battle against people other than their own teammates. Then, if there was time left – and there probably would – just one-on-one spars between members of different teams.

All of this was in order to gain experience, and for the Genin to try their hand against different styles of adversaries.

It was, all in all, a pretty important meeting – the sort which didn't happen very often, what with the time-consuming team trainings and D-rank missions. It was a rare occasion.

So he _couldn't_ be on time!

Just imagining the disappointed and pouting faces of his little Genin, and fellow Jonin, was marvelous, and he couldn't wait! Why couldn't Hari-chan understand that?

Oh, well. He could still be late, if he played his cards right.

Usually, people tried to track him down before a meeting, in order to force him to be on time. Of course, every time he was either in the village, going from one point to the other swiftly, evading each and every attempt to catch him. That was when he wanted to have fun, and his precious family wasn't free.

Other times he was just home. Hari-chan had put a special type of wards around their house –no one could get past them if they hadn't personally been told where it was (address and all) by either Kakashi or Hari herself.

(All of this was because a lot of people would love to hurt or kill Kakashi's family. Thankfully, Hari understood and accepted the situation perfectly – it came from personal experience – and agreed to put in place the best security measures she knew. Even if it sometimes could seem to be kind of paranoiac).

Obviously, apart for the Hokage (which has been mandatory), Kakashi never told a soul. Hari also hadn't told a lot of people – actually, only the nurse who sometimes came when Hari needed help with their children, or when both her and Kakashi were away on a mission.

Kakashi didn't like to be on long and S-rank missions nowadays. He had way too much to lose now – hence why he had officially left the ANBU (doing only the odd mission here and there, because no one could really _quit_ the ANBU) and took a Genin team.

That also explained his avoidance of C-rank missions. It annoyed his Genin greatly – and it was boring as hell – but at least he stayed in Konoha. He could be late and spend his time with his family and, when he felt like it, he just left his team with a shadow clone and spent the day with his wife and children.

After all, the village was pretty safe, and a shadow clone _was_ himself, so it was all okay (plus, the Hokage knew, but only smirked knowingly, which was good since he could have been forced to stop. Also, he was pretty sure Hokage-sama was a bit afraid of Hari, and didn't want to contrary her. And their children were little devils. All in all, Kakashi thought that the Hokage was a pretty wise man).

Only the best for his family. Hokage-sama understood – and Kakashi was very sure that Sarutobi Hiruzen was happy to see that the silver-haired Jonin had lost his suicidal tendencies and had settled, and lived now a fulfilling life, even if he was a bit whipped. Then again, the Hokage _knew_ intimately how it was to be whipped – his wife _had_ had quite the temper.

Still, he was now out of his house, so without protection on this side (and no, he wouldn't just return home after his family was gone to see the medic-nin. He was absolutely positive Hari-chan would know. She knew _everything_. He didn't fancy sleeping on the couch when he could be cuddling his pretty, wonderful, amazing wife – and plus if affinity. They had a lot of affinities).

And he couldn't shunshin on the village, his cute little Sakumo was too young for that, and would most certainly not like it. He didn't want to upset his youngest son.

He sighed softly again. Damn, he was becoming a softie. Oh well.

He couldn't run all that quickly either: Sakumo was sleeping and that would disturb him. Plus, he was going to be hungry soon, and you just can't feed a baby while running. And Kakashi actually preferred to be _on time_ than to get himself caught. He wouldn't hear the end of it, even if he insisted it was because of his baby.

He would have to skip during the battles in order to join his family - discretely, else they would insist on following him, and it was his family, their moment together, and he was a little overprotective et possessive – sue him – so no one was welcome to intrude.

Ah, the sacrifices one had to do to be able to sleep with one's wife and make one's son happy! Kakashi was full of sacrifices, really.

Almost a martyr, he was.

Training ground 7 it was.

* * *

Kakashi was lazily sitting on a tree's branch, one foot in front of him, the other on the branch just next to the one he was sitting on. He was looking at his newborn son.

It was not something new, actually. Sakumo was two months old already, and not his first child either. But, he just couldn't help himself. He loved looking at his children, as often as possible (they were here, they were his, they were perfect, they were alive –), but there was just something about babies...

He always sat down, looking at the face of his newborns. No wonder he was often late... Still, he knew the Hokage was well aware of this, because when he had taken his firstborn for the first time in his arms... he had been caught. And Sarutobi had been right next to him at that time. He was a friend of sort of Hari's.

To this day, Kakashi was still caught as soon as he saw his newborns. There was just something about them... So tiny, so perfect, so like him and Hari-chan... Their scent, their looks... They were _his_ pups, _his_ miracles...

Honestly, he had _never_ thought of having children before meeting Hari-chan, and even then, their first had been a surprise. He had wanted him, of course (How couldn't he ? Hari-chan was beautiful and smart and strong and _his mate_ , and a little one was perfect because suddenly he had _wanted_ a family with her – ), but he still had been surprised at the calm, the serenity, the _unconditional_ love he felt upon holding his firstborn.

He hadn't thought he could love that much.

Well, anyway, he always liked to look at the sleeping faces of his pups. Tiny, defenseless, weak, _his_ to love, _his_ to bring up in this world, _his_ to protect, _his_ to guide.

Well, let's not forget Hari-chan, huh? You don't want to forget about her, really.

She's scary.

And Kakashi loved her, almost more than his children because – because if he were to ever lose his children, even one of them, he would be _broken_ , _shattered_ , _dead_ , really – but he would still have Hari-chan (his better half, his mate, his everything –).

Without Hari, he would be _nothing_.

So Kakashi was sitting in his tree, looking at his sleeping newborn. His small locks of silver hair – so much like his, but soft like silk – his tiny button nose – Hari-chan's, no doubt – his pouty little mouth – and he had quite a pair of lungs, too – his closed eyes that hid his black, brilliant eyes –so much like Kakashi's in color, but so innocent, so naive, so _perfect_ –.

And he was actually on time for a meeting.

Worse, he was early!

Oh, well. Maybe they wouldn't feel him hidden as he was – he had dissimulated his chakra, after all, but he wasn't really holding his breath about his chances – maybe they would, and their looks at seeing him on time would probably be worth it.

Speaking of the devil...

Sasuke was the first to arrive, already brooding. Kakashi wondered if Sasuke even remembered how to laugh. Then he frowned – Sasuke had better not scare his cute little Sakumo with that scowl of his, or his Genin or not, the brat was going to feel his wrath.

No one made his babies cry.

Sakura followed, screaming and fawning over the last Uchiha, and Kakashi's frown grew. She was speaking too loudly.

He was thankful for Hari-chan's foresight: though unaware of Sakura's sound-level beyond what Kakashi had complained about, she had put a barrier around their baby's head, deafening and diminishing external sounds and smells. Hatake children had stronger senses than others – even stronger than Inuzukas', actually. Hence the mask, all the more needed when they were young and didn't know yet how to control their senses.

Little Sakumo was way too young to do that, so, yeah. Hari's foresight.

Each and every of his other children wore his or her mask as well – not that they couldn't handle their sense of smell by now, but (like their father), they found it was easier that way – not having to filter everything every time… that, and it annoyed people greatly.

Not that people knew they were his children. Hell, no one knew he was even married! Only the Hokage knew, and only because he was the one to perform the ceremony, as was his right as Hokage (and Kakashi wouldn't have asked this favor from any other person).

His children weren't at the Academy either (Kakashi strangely didn't particularly want them to play sitting ducks in a classroom, always sitting at a table, next to windows. Yes, he was paranoiac. Hell, he was a ninja, thank you very much!), but most of them were already Chunin, or in the ANBU (not on the assassination teams, thank Kami for small favors. Kakashi thought that his children were growing up too quickly).

Well. The other Ninja would be shocked if they discovered that Sakumo was his son. _Then again_ , mused Kakashi, _if they don't see him up close they will probably think I'm baby-sitting. It' strange how they seem to think that I'm incapable of having a long-term relationship..._

…Or not. Kakashi was thankful for his privacy, had put a lot of work into creating and protecting it, and hoped that his familial situation would be left a secret for many years to come.

A man could always hope: it has been a secret for the last fifteen years after all!

(Then again, he _was_ married to Hari-chan. Kakashi should have known).

His three Genin were the first to arrive, followed by Kurenai's team. Then lazily came Asuma's, led by a furious Ino – who all but threw herself at Sasuke as soon as she saw him. Ensued a battle between Sakura and Ino (which sadly wasn't anything new or surprising), much to the annoyance of the others.

Kakashi _was_ thankful for his wife's protection. His baby was still sleeping peacefully.

Next to arrive were TenTen and Neji, the Hyuga genius brooding like Sasuke. The boys were so similar sometimes, it was almost funny if it weren't so sad.

Then, a trail of smoke far away warned the teams of Gai's and Lee' approach. Soon, screams of "Youth!" could be heard, and Kakashi shivered, almost jealous of Sakumo's protection.

If only he could have one, too – but that would interfere with his job. He couldn't put the silencing ward himself once he had no need for it anymore, after all, only Hari-chan could. And a Shinobi always had to be ready at all time, so no silencing ward for him.

So everyone was there, good. He gratified them with half of his attention, the rest centered on his son.

He heard them greet each other, then Sakura began to whine about his lateness. He wasn't late! It wasn't _his_ fault they couldn't see him!

Or maybe it was. Whatever.

"Sensei's still late! I can't believe it, I thought for once he would be on time since it's such a important meeting!"

The other Genin looked surprised – almost as if they hadn't believed the stories about his chronic lateness. So much naivety, it was cute.

"Kakashi's never on time if it's not an emergency", explained Asuma, smoking and completely ignoring Ino's reprimands.

The other Jonins agreed, Gai spilling a flow of tears and shouting about his "Un-Youthful" attitude.

"What'cha talking about?", asked then one of Kurenai's Genin. "He's in the tree".

A long silence felt on the training ground, ninja looking between Kiba and the tree. Great, he hadn't used a Justu to hide his scent (Sakumo would have been worried and upset, as Hatake babies are always surrounded by their family's scent), and _of course_ the Inuzuka boy had picked it.

It was so not his day!

"No way!", screamed Naruto, "Sensei's _never_ on time!"

And, for once, Sasuke and Sakura nodded in agreement with his words.

"Holy fuck!", exclaimed Asuma, suddenly seeing Kakashi's leg. Not that he was hiding it, he knew when he had lost. "it's true!"

Gai suddenly burst into tears but, before he could scream about the sudden "Youthfulness" of his "Greatest Rival", Kakashi was already behind him, kunai held firmly against Gai's throat as a warning.

"Indoor voice, Gai. If you wake him, I kill you", warned Kakashi, body tense and voice serious. After all, Hari's protection muted exteriors sons and odors, but only filtered them. Gai's voice would still be too loud for Sakumo.

Then he reappeared under his tree – for he and his son had slept in it so it was _theirs_ , obviously – and shushed his baby who had been slightly upset by the fast movements.

Sakumo whimpered a bit before settling once more against his father's chest, and Kakashi relaxed.

He loved his child, would die and kill for him – but Kami, he could scream when disturbed.

"Kai!", screamed Naruto, only to see his teacher still in front of him. "Who the hell are you?! Kakashi-sensei is never on time!"

"Why, you wound me, Naruto. I'm not that bad", he replied lazily.

"YES YOU ARE!", shrieked Sakura violently. "Why are you on time?! And why do you have a baby with you?!"

"Maa, maa", drawled Kakashi. "I wasn't on time, I was there before anyone else". He ignored the question about his son, and quickly shot a warning glance with a dose on Killing Intent at Gai, before the man could begin to scream again about Youth.

Well, he had been right. Their faces at this information were worth the sacrifice of actually being here on time – Asuma even choked on his smoke. Maybe he ought to try this a few times a year?

"Kakashi", asked a troubled Kurenai, broking the silence once that had just settled on the training ground 7, mainly due to the Ninja's shock at the situation. "Where did you find this baby?"

Kakashi looked at her lazily, his posture showing only boredom.

"I've found him on my doorstep", he deadpanned.

But, silly as that sounded to him, everyone else only nodded sagely as if that made perfect sense.

A lot more sense than the baby being his, anyway.

People's thoughts of him must be really low, if they couldn't even recognize sarcasm, he thought with disappointment.

"Ah, that's strange that someone choose your doorstep. It must be bad luck", said Asuma.

"You can't keep him, Kakashi", argued a worried Kurenai. "You don't know a thing on how to take care of a baby".

And, really, Kakashi had to bite his tongue in order to not laugh. He knew a _lot_ about baby-care, thank you very much. Of all of Konoha's Jonin, he was pretty sure he was the one with the most experience – and even among Chunin and Genin.

He had _fourteen_ children, after all. He was a freaking _veteran_!

"I'll take the risk", was his only answer.

"No, seriously", said Asuma, trying to play the mediator between a pissed off Kurenai (she herself wanted a baby of her own, be a mother, she was not going to let an innocent baby with a pervert like Kakashi. It was dangerous! The man was a killer, he didn't know a single thing about caring for a baby!). "What are you going to do with him – or is it her ?"

"It's a boy", said Kiba, before adding something that made Kakashi partly want to kill him, partly want to congratulate him.

He would be a good ninja – albeit an extremely annoying one, if he didn't learn to take a clue and shut up.

"But why are you all saying that stuff? It's obvious the baby's his, they have the same scent".

Cue another silence, eyes bugging and jaws meeting the floor.

"You knocked up a woman?!", screamed a shocked Asuma.

"Maa, is that so unbelievable?", asked Kakashi lazily. "Did you think I was gay?"

"Wha- No! You – Wait, you knocked a woman and she left the child on your doorstep!", muttered Asuma, like he couldn't believe it.

"But the woman – the mother!", asked Kurenai with urgency. "You can't just leave her like that! A child needs both his parents, so man up and find her – wait, was she a whore ?"

Kakashi felt a furious feeling run through his veins upon hearing Kurenai call his perfect wife a whore, even if it wasn't meant as an insult, and even if Kurenai just didn't know about Hari. But Hari was not, Hari was _his_ , and no other man could nor had touched her.

She was his, and men would rue the day they were born if they even tried to touch her.

Yes, he _was_ possessive.

"No, she is not", and only a deaf would have not heard the warning in his voice. "And she is okay, really. Now, could we start what we're here for?".

Kakashi hoped to stop the conversation or at least change the subject, but alas, it was not to be. Shinobi are strangely very gossiping people. They just couldn't bear to let information pass past them.

"No, no, no", denied Kurenai. " _You_ had a _baby_ with a _woman_ ".

"Yes", said simply Kakashi as if it was not a big deal – which it wasn't – and looked curiously at Gai, who was screaming and jumping and crying about Youth, all in a murmur.

Well, at least he couldn't be heard, even if he did look even stranger than usual. Then again, each and every strong Ninja had their own quirks (each and every Ninja, period, actually), even if Gai's _were_ more obvious than others'.

"And... You left her, like that? Did you even know she was pregnant?" Obviously, Kurenai was still in shock.

"I was very aware, yes", he replied drily. "It has been nine long and difficult months, after all".

"You – That's – She – Wait, you're in a relationship?!", stuttered Asuma.

Strangely, even Gai had stopped his celebration ("My Most Youthful Rival Has A Baby! I Must Have One Too!") and was looking at him as if he were an alien.

"Yes...", he drawled lazily. "Now, about those spars ?"

"Fuck the spars !", screamed Asuma, lighting a new cigarette with trembling fingers. "You are in a relationship with a woman, and have a baby with her!".

"I'm aware, yes", said flatly the silver-haired Jonin, raising an eyebrow. "But I came here for the _spars_ ".

He felt familiar chakras coming from the forest, only a few feet from here. Looks like his children were really progressing, if they could mask their presence from him for such a long time.

He looked quickly at his fellow Jonin-sensei, but they hadn't picked on the chakra coming towards them. Then again, they were a bit disturbed and focused on him. Oh, well.

He made his trademark U-curved smile, taking a step back from the people in front of him, all looking at him as if he had just reveled he was gay, had birthed Sakumo, whose father was Orochimaru, and that they were going to take over the world.

He shivered. Even for a joke, certain things were just best not imagined. _Ever_. He cursed his imagination.

"Well, that's good and all, but I have to –", he began, only to interrupt himself.

His twin daughters had burst into the clearing, coming right towards him. Which was strange, seeing as they usually always waited until he was alone when outside the protection of their home.

They were running at Genin-level speed only, so they couldn't be chased. He stayed on edge nonetheless.

Of course, the other Ninja had also reacted, kunai in hand, but since the twins weren't aggressive and wore Konoha's headbands, they slowly lowered their weapons.

His twins were only six year old, and he delighted in the shocked gasps coming from the other Genin. Because his babies had their Chunin uniforms, and thus were of a higher rank, even if they were younger.

Paternal pride swelled in his chest.

They had fiery red hair, not tomato-like – those were the Uzumakis' trademark hair – but a brilliant fire-like red. Hari said it came from her mother's side – well, it certainly didn't come from Kakashi's. It was tied firmly on their heads, in Chinese buns much like how TenTen tied hers. One had emerald eyes, the other had smoky black eyes.

They had their Chunin vest, and their uniforms, kunai pouch on their thighs, ninjato secured at their backs, black tight pants and a crimson kimono-like dress, ending loosely around their knees, and open on the sides.

And, of course, they had their Hatake masks.

They came to a stop in front of him, inquiring eyes looking at the bundle in his arms. They always liked to see their baby siblings, and seeing as Sakumo was only one of the two children who were younger than them, and that the other one was not so much a baby anymore, you could always find them around the cradle when they were not training or on a mission.

Kakashi crouched in front of them, lowering Sakumo so that they could see him.

"What are you doing here?", he asked, a bit curious.

They never came when he was around fellow ninja. It was for the family's security mainly, but also to evade others' questions.

"Kaa-chan is furious with you", said the one with black eyes, Akane. "She's swearing and screaming, and –"

" – you should hide, because, she said some stuff – ", added smoothly the green-eyed one, Ren.

" – about how she was going to castrate you", ended Akane.

So they were still in their We-Talk-In-Turns period. Great. They had been on it for two years, seven months, and something akin to two-hundred days – but who counted? They had done that that very morning, but Kakashi had held hope.

They sometimes could give a lot of headaches.

"I didn't do anything, I swear – or at last, I don't _think_ I did... Did I?", wondered Kakashi somewhat nervously.

"Well, we wouldn't know", helpfully said his nine years old son, Masaki, who was walking towards them with his two other twin sisters, Tsukiko and Yuriko.

The triplets had his silver hair and black eyes, except Yuriko who had her mother's green ones.

Such a beautiful green, too.

They were also in their Chunin outfits, and their masks were firmly in place.

"She didn't say why she was so cross with you", explained Tsukiko softly – but her eyes were laughing at him, and Yuriko was smirking. Traitors, the lot of them. "But I think you're at least good for some time on the couch".

Kakashi shivered and got up, peering around with uncertainty. What could he have done to deserve Hari's wrath?

A lot of things, granted, but right now? He was almost one hundred percent sure he hadn't done anything this week, at least.

His children were all around him, all but ignoring the other Ninjas who were looking at them as if they were ghosts.

And, look at that. The others were coming, too.

Asami and her twin brother Raiden were leading their triplet older siblings by the hand, already cackling upon seeing him. Little devils, they were, always pranking everyone – except their mother. Because _she_ was the one who taught them everything! (She said something about a familial obligation… Kakashi hadn't pushed the subject. He had just drowned a bit in self-pity).

The twins were 11, but didn't look alike at all. Asami had her mother's beautiful shining black hair, along with her green eyes, while her brother had Kakashi's hair and eyes. They were the last Chunin in the family, as their older siblings were all Jonin or ANBU (which amounted to being Jonin, really, seeing as ANBU wasn't an official rank and no one really knew who was in ANBU or not).

The triplets were all Jonin, at 13. They were a team, of course – all the Hatake children knew the importance of teamwork. Their mother and father had taught them the value of teammates, teamwork, and reliance on other people who could and would watch your back.

They also impressed the need to still stay vigilant, because everyone in the Hatake Family was a paranoiac little bastard, from the parents to the youngest child – yes, Kakashi was certain that his little Sakumo always looked with suspicion at his older siblings, because he was already smart like that. _Believe it_.

It was Hari who had chosen their names, and Kakashi's heart had skipped a beat upon hearing them, before restarting a little more peacefully than before.

Obito, Minato, and their sister Miyako had all their mother black hair, and hatred of a comb -Hari insisted it came from her family's side, but Kakashi knew better. Hatakes always had spiky and unruly hair, no matter what Hari said.

The two boys had their mother's (and, according to Hari, their mother's mother) green eyes, while Miyako had the Hatake black eyes.

They wore their Jonin vest proudly, because even if they still weren't on his level, they were officially of the same rank as he was. They liked that fact a lot, and often joked about what an old man he was (but then Kakashi swiped the floor with their asses in a three-to-one spar, and all was right in the world).

Finally, from behind him, came his eldest.

Yoichi and his twin sister Hanako were 15, and both had his hair and Hari's eyes. They wore their Jonin vests as well, but he knew they were in the ANBU – a tracking team, mostly helping hunter-nin to find missing-nin's tracks, or patrolling Fire Country searching for breaches.

They were good, of course (even if Kakashi could beat them in two-to-one, he was kept on his toes), but their summons were more suited to tracking.

Ending the picture was Kushina, his three-year-old daughter, in Yoichi's arms. Her hair was the same fiery red as her siblings, but she was the only one of his children with brown eyes. Hari had cried when she has seen them for the first time, because for all that she loved her children and husband, she missed her own parents, whom she never knew. And her younger daughter had James' eyes (and James was Hari's father).

So, now, Kakashi was sweating. A lot. All fourteen of his children were here (well, Sakumo didn't have much of a choice, granted, but still), and were clearly laughing at him, the little bastards.

Oh, just they wait until a spar or a family-training, then they will see who would be laughing at whom!

But for them to come here all at once, not caring about possible spectators (and if they had somehow missed the teams on the training ground, then he _would_ stop them from ever taking another mission, have their eyes thoroughly checked, then cry and wonder where he had failed in their education), then there must be a problem.

Hari-chan wasn't often angry – and when she was, it was often beautiful and sexy, because her eyes glowed and everything... Even if it was scary as Hell – but when she was, then the poor unsuspecting victim better be very good at surviving.

Or hiding.

Luckily, he was pretty good at both.

(Even then, sometimes, he felt that all his skills weren't enough at all. So he tried to not make his wife angry – she had had a very difficult and hard past, they had talked about it, and he had seen the scars, both psychological and physical. And she had given birth to _fourteen_ children. She _knew_ pain.

Whipped, you said?).

"What did I do?", he asked nervously.

He tried to find Hari, both with his eyes and chakra, but knew it was vain before even beginning. Hari was the single most sneakiest person he had ever met, and seeing as he lived in a world of Ninjas, that was saying something.

"I don't have the smallest idea", cheekily said Asami, twisting her long black hair between two of her gloved fingers, green eyes twinkling happily.

"All I – and by I, I mean we – know about this affair", commented Yoichi, his eldest son, "is that we were at the hospital, _incognito_ of course, and we took our shots, then the medic-nin asked to examine Kaa-chan, after which she went mad and swore to castrate you".

He easily put Kushina down, brushing her somewhat short hair with his fingers tenderly. The little girl giggled and went to her father, hugging his leg happily. Kakashi patted her hair lovingly yet distractedly.

"Huh. That's knew. She only do this when she's destroying my hand while giving birth, usually", muttered Kakashi, shifting uneasily.

"Wait", interrupted suddenly Kurenai. "Are – They are – Who are _they?!_ ".

And, really, what does this say about her capacity as a Ninja, if she couldn't even recognize family traits in people? They all even had their masks !

"Maa, they're my children. Who else?", he replied easily.

"... You're married, sensei?", breathlessly asked Sakura, eyes bugging upon looking at his brood.

Kakashi could understand. They _were_ a lot to take in.

"No, I created them out of chakra", he answered lazily, hoping his sarcasm would be understood this time. One never knows.

Then there was a tug at his pant, and he looked down at his youngest daughter.

"Yes, Hime?"

"Tou-chan? How do you make babies?"

Ignoring the choking sounds the spectators made, and the strangled " _Tou-chan!_ " uttered by Asuma, his body froze.

No.

His precious baby girl had _not_ just asked this question.

You would think he was used to it, what with twelve older children, but the truth was that he had always avoided answering this particular question. He was a pro at deflecting it, and it was an unspoken agreement between them that it was Hari's job to give _The Talk_ to their children.

Kakashi didn't want to watch his pups grow so quickly.

Especially his Himes.

Plus, he remembered receiving _The Talk_ with his father upon entering the Academy, then with Minato-sensei, then _Kushina_ -sensei, then _Jiraiya_.

He was scarred enough as it was.

"... You know you're too young to know about this, Hime", he chided lightly, before going for the kill. "Young girls have ice-cream, old ones have the answer to this question. Which is it going to be ?"

"Ice-scream! I don't wanna know the answer!", his daughter screamed in horror.

Good. Crisis averted.

" That's my girl!", he beamed, smiling proudly at his daughter, and patting her head.

He then turned a truly Evil Eye toward Kurenai, who winced slightly and muttered an apology. But she hadn't said her last word.

She was stubborn if nothing else.

"They are _your_ children?!"

"I should hope so", muttered Kakasi, slightly annoyed by her insistence.

"But... But... The mother?! You're married?"

Well, the cat was out of the bag, it was pointless to try and deny it.

"Yeah, _obviously_ ".

"Since when?", whispered Asuma, eyes never looking away from the Hatake kids, fascinated.

"Maa, sixteen years, I think". Actually, he was _sure_. You just don't miss a wedding anniversary when you're married with someone like Hari.

Not that he would, even if such was not the case. He truly, totally loved Hari-chan, and took every occasion to show it. He knew he had been blessed when she had accepted to live with him, to have a family with _him_. He knew he was damaged, even if his life with Hari had mended him a little – much more than he could have hoped.

He still had nightmares, and insecurity – but then again, so did Hari. Hari was his better half, his world. He loved her so much, words were useless to describe it.

"And your wife stayed with you and gave you..." Asuma did a quick count, had another shocked gasp, then croaked " _fourteen children_?!".

"... Are you saying you thought no woman would ever stay with me?", he asked idly. He was a bit hurt, now. Sure, he wasn't first quality (or so he thought, a lot of women would disagree), but still.

"Kakashi. You're a lazy, systematically late pervert. No woman in their right mind would want to stay with you!", affirmed Kurenai, ignoring the Genin's wide-eyed looks.

Well. He could feel the love. He watched as his children twitched angrily, and wasn't that cute? They were all protective of their old dad. Look at that, even little Sakumo was scowling!

"Never said she was in her right mind. Always thought she was a bit crazy, actually", he replied with false seriousness... before tensing suddenly when a voice came from behind him.

Damn that woman, but she was sneaky!

"Am I, husband of mine?"

And, yep, she had her I'm-not-happy-at-all-with-you tone of voice. The kind which precedes nights on the couch. Not his favorite.

He shut his eyes quickly, sending a prayer to whichever Kami was listening to him, then turned to face her.

"Hari-chan!", he said cheerily, if cautiously. "How are you in this fine morning?"

She said nothing, only looked at him with lips thinned by rage, beautiful green eyes glaring at him. Her hair was down to her hips, swaying with the soft wind, and all in all she was beautiful.

He took the silence for ten full second – which was quite good, believe it – before blurting out.

"I didn't do anything! I didn't return home and Sakumo didn't cry and if that's about the corpse in the garden I swear I will take it out I just didn't have the time to burn it and I really, really don't know what I did to make you angry. Please tell me?"

Hari's mood darkened and, as she went to speak, she was interrupted by Asuma's scream.

" _You're_ his wife?!"

Hari looked annoyed by his interruption but kept her calm – or what was left of it. They were in public, after all.

"What of it ?"

"But... –", was all Asuma could say before being interrupted by Sakura.

"But you're beautiful!"

"... Thanks, I guess. I don't see how that's relevant, however".

"How could you end up with someone like Kakashi?", Ino asked this time.

And, really, Kakashi was sort of hurt, because whatever they might think, he wasn't ugly. Plus, _'Someone like Kakashi_ '? Whatever did that even mean ?

"Yes...? I fail to see your point", asked a puzzled Hari.

She always made this cute twist of the nose when she was puzzled. Kakashi loved it. He rocked Sakumo softly when the boy squirmed in his arms, looking attentively the scene before him. Kakashi was sure he understood all of it.

"But... He's lazy, and old, he even has grey hair!", explained Ino.

"He's perverted and always read this disgusting book", added sagely Sakura.

"He always has his masks, and is not even good-looking!", piped Ino, before Sakura ended, both girls looking expectantly at Hari.

"He's always late! You can't rely on him. You deserve someone way better than him, you're so pretty!".

Kakashi hid his wince, because he always thought, even nowadays, that Hari could have done so much better than him. He considered himself damaged goods, and often wondered why Hari choose him.

He knew she loved him, sincerely, with all of her heart. But he sometimes thought that he was not good enough for her. What's more, he was always afraid, in some corner of his head, of losing her. Each and every one of his precious persons, before he met Hari, died – be it at the war, during the Kyubi's attack, or by suicide.

He wasn't good enough to save them. He wasn't strong enough. He wasn't reliable?

He was interrupted from his thoughts by multiple growls, and sure enough his children were glaring at the two Kunoichi. Even the Jonin-sensei were looking at them disapprovingly.

While the two girls cowered from the Hatakes' glares, Hari's cold and sharp voice was heard. Her eyes were hard, unforgiving, and all her attention and rage was centered on the girls. A tiny dose of killing intent seeped past her iron control.

Well, at least she wasn't angry with him anymore, right?

He relaxed, a warm sensation covering his body, his heart swelling with love.

Damaged goods he may be, but Hari and their children didn't care, and loved him as he was. He was good enough for them.

"First, if I ever heard you speak of my husband like that ever again, you will _regret_ it", she began, and her voice was icy. "Have no one told you to respect your superiors and betters? Kakashi was a Ninja long before you ever learnt to read. He graduated the Academy at five, was Chunin at six, and Jonin at thirteen. He is the most powerful ninja of this village, after Hokage-sama, and saved at least each person's life of this village one time. He has more years of service than most ninjas, even your teachers or parents", she added, looking angrily at Ino.

There was a silence, humming with anger, before she continued.

"He is even considered as successor by the Hokage, even if he keeps refusing the offer", she said, shocking the present spectators, and even some of his younger children. "Does he sound lazy that way? Someone you can't rely on? Let me tell you, in this whole world, there is not a single person I would rather have to protect me, or my children. He already saved my life, that's how we met, actually. You're pathetic excuses for a ninja if you think you can insult him like that".

The words were harsh, and well-aimed. Kakashi tried vaguely to stamp on the satisfied feelings he had upon hearing them, and looking at the defeated face of the two Kunoichi, whose eyes were tearing up. Granted, he didn't try very hard.

"If all you search in a husband is his looks, then you're even more pathetic excuses for a woman. But just so you know, let me tell you: Kakashi is _handsome_ , and his hair is silver and not grey. You'll just never have the chance to look at his yummy-ness".

Then she smirked coyly. "And he made me fifteen children. That doesn't sound very lazy, now does it?".

Kakashi choked slightly at her cheek, even if, really, he should be used to it by now. He glanced with alarm at Kushina, who was looking between her two parents suspiciously and – _please, please, please, remember the ice-cream !_ – before she stopped, nodding to herself and resuming to growl at the two mean girls who had insulted his Tou-chan.

Kakashi was so proud of his youngest daughter right now. He had always known she was smart.

In front of him, Genin and Jonin alike choked too, reddening, and his own pups were looking at Hari-chan with big, traumatized eyes.

But that's Hari for you.

While Sakura and Ino were reduced to a red stuttering mess, Sakumo began to cry slightly, and soon after all the Hatake family was around him.

"Why is he crying ?" asked sweetly Kushina, upset. "Did someone hurt him?"

"No, sweetie", assured her father, "he's just hungry".

"Oh, that's true!", exclaimed Masaki, his twin sisters nodding along him. "I've forgotten with all the drama, we have a pick-nick to do! We have a mission this afternoon, remember?"

And true enough, thought Kakashi, their team was going for a three-week long mission in Rice Country. That's why they – and by they, he of course meant his wife – had decided to do a family picnic today.

"Give him to me", asked Hari, taking little Sakumo, "I'll feed him".

And with that, she began to open the top of her green yukata. That wouldn't do.

 _That wouldn't do at all_ , thought Kakashi, glaring at the staring males who weren't his children. He shrugged his Jonin vest, and put it on Hari, hiding her torso. He hugged her from behind, looking as his son began to eat quickly from his mother's breast.

Kakashi was almost jealous, but he just melted internally at the sight.

Still, he had to know, even if Hari appeared to have lost her ire against him (He _knew_ Sakura was useful at something).

"So... Why were you that angry at me? If it's not for the corpse, then I really don't – ", was all he could said before Hari turned in his arms, glaring at him while still feeding Sakumo.

Kakashi was thankful, it meant she couldn't hit him. But by the all the Kami, she was beautiful, feeding his son at her breast.

"You!", she said dangerously. "We already have fourteen children, right?"

"... Yes?", he answered uncertainly, doing a quick count in his head. He couldn't have forgotten a birthday, right? He would never forget one of his children!

"And that's quite enough, don't you think?!", continued his wife, glaring at him, pretty eyes all but glowing with power.

"Yes", said Kakashi more firmly. He was absolutely sure he hadn't forgotten one of his pups, and fourteen _was_ enough. Hell, Kakashi sometimes thought it was too much ! (Granted, this often happened when he was tracked by said children who wanted to train with him, when the aforementioned devils interrupted his time with Hari _one by one_ , when he had to go shopping, when he had to prepare birthday parties, when he had to wake up in the dead of the night, because one of them was crying – be it because of a nightmare or hunger –, even if he had a mission a few hours later, when he heard about suspect movements of Nukenins near Konoha, or rumors about a possible invasion... Okay, so it happened often. But he _loved_ them all the same! He guessed it came with being a father.)

"Plus, Sakumo is only _Two. Months. Old_. Isn't he?"

"Yes...?", Kakashi tried, really, but he just couldn't see where she was going. Had she suddenly decided that they had too much children?

No, that couldn't be it. He was being ridiculous. Hari loved their children as much as he did, and had always wanted a big family.

"Then _why_ did you have to go and get me pregnant again?!"

And then, there was just silence.

Kakashi did not stutter.

"Wha – huh?"

He did a quick double-take, but no, the words were still the same. He remembered Hari's rant against Sakura and Ino, _'And he made me fifteen children_ '. He hadn't picked it then, but now...

His black eye widened, and his body straightened.

"I said, _why did you have to go and get me pregnant again?!_ ", hissed his lovely wife, softly rocking her eating baby.

"I – Huh?", Kakashi tried to ask, before coughing a bit, lone eye peering nervously at Hari's tummy.

"You're pregnant?", he finally asked, and no matter what someone might tell you, he did not squeak. Don't listen to his children. They're lying liars who lie.

"That's what I just said", said an annoyed Hari, one eyebrow raised.

"But! But – it's been only two months!", whimpered Kakashi, shocked.

"I'm aware, yes, thank you", was his wife's sarcastic answer.

As one, the Hatakes lowered their masks a bit, not enough to show their faces, but enough to hum the air.

"You don't smell pregnant", said Hanako, puzzled.

"That's because I'm still nursing Sakumo", guessed Hari, shrugging the best she could without upsetting her son. "I smell like a mother".

Kakashi nodded belatedly, head full of thoughts.

 _Did they have enough nappies? Will it be a girl or a boy? They would have to create a new room in their house, Hari's magic was really useful. It meant fifteen years longer before he could relax with his pups all ready to stand by themselves... Would he stay a ninja that long? He couldn't die on a mission! What would it look like? Hari or him? What of its name? Kami forbid they were another set of triplets… What if –_

"Are we going to have –", began Akane excitedly.

"A new little sister or brother?", ended Ren, as excited as her twin sister.

"Yes, I do believe you will", beamed Hari, all but glowing with happiness.

And really, Kakashi had suddenly no problem to believe his wife was pregnant. She already had the changes of emotions caused by the hormones! Not a minute ago, she had wanted to _castrate_ him !

Not that he himself wasn't happy with the change.

A new baby. He was going to have another baby. He was going to be a father again.

"But, Kakashi, it better be only one child, or Morgana help me, if it's twins again – or worse, triplets – I _will_ castrate you! Clear?"

"Crystal", was his automatic reply.

But, oh Kami, just imagine! Another set of twins, or triplets! Dread filled him – new nights spent shushing their crying newborns, no sleep, the nappies nightmares all over again...!

Kakashi did _not_ cry.

But he _wanted_ to, oh yes.

Don't get him wrong, he already loved the new pup, triplets or not. But really? It would mean _seventeen_ children.

Kakashi was strong. He suddenly doubted to be strong enough.

"Oh, please, let them be girls!", gushed Miyako, "There's not enough girls in this family!"

"Are you kidding?!", disagreed Minato, "we're only six, and you're eight! They have to be boys! Twins would be perfect!"

"No way!", seriously objected Obito, looking at his twin brother as if he just said the dumbest thing of the world. "If they're boys, then who will have to babysit them? Exactly, us! They have to be girls, then the girls will have to be with them".

"...Hey, that's actually smart", said Raiden, impressed – and Kakashi was a bit sorry for himself if even his eldest son thought _that_ was smart.

Then Asami, his lovely Asami, smiled sweetly – and she had her mother's smile. The one that said you were fucked.

"Yes, but if they're girls, then obviously they will be beautiful when they grow up. It's in the genes", she added pompously.

(And Kakashi agreed completely with her... until she ended her sentence).

"Then there will be a lot of boys after them. There's already a lot after us".

And just like that, killing intent filled the training ground.

Kakashi was adamant it was not _his_.

Not entirely, anyway.

Yes, he knew a lot of _good-for-nothing brats_ were after his Himes. But he was _good_ at making them run away, crying and screaming for their mothers, and he taught everything to his sons.

 _No one_ was good enough for his Himes.

His sons conversed a moment, looks serious, eyes sharps and filled with determination. The look of Shinobi before a mission.

They then reached an agreement, and Masaki walked to his nursing mother, his brothers behind him in support. They all had their arms crossed over their torso, and couldn't look more serious if they tried.

"Kaa-chan. For our mental sanity, and to avoid the possible deaths of a lot of trash– I mean, _boys_ , you must have sons. Please."

His brothers nodded in approval, looking intently at their mother, who only snorted (and how _that_ could look gracious, Kakashi would never know. He had long ago stopped to wonder about such things. It was _Hari_ , and that was an answer in itself).

"Yes? You would expose them to the horrors of fangirls?", asked Hari, amused, green eyes dancing with laughter.

The Hatake brothers shivered as one, as did Sasuke, while Sakura and Ino – though outraged – didn't dare say anything.

"We can take it. _They_ can take it. We will help them, of course. We're experts at the avoidance of the nuisances called fangirls, after all", replied tensely Masaki, his shoulders dropping a bit in defeat at what awaited his yet-to-be-born possible little brothers.

"Well", finally answered their mother, voice shaking with mirth, "Your opinion had been duly noted. I'll see what I can do".

They nodded again, somberly, before returning with their sisters. They were the boys, they had to be strong... But they were only six, and they had eight sisters. They couldn't always be here to protect them against suitors.

If they had to face more fangirls in order to avoid having yet more sisters to protect, then so be it. They were certain their future little brothers understood. It was the basic Hatake sister-complex.

The girls only rolled their eyes, used to this behavior, and Yuriko turned her green eyes to their mother, smirking at the silent laugh which made her body shiver.

She looked a bit lost in their father's vest, Kakashi being way broader than her. But she was as breathtaking as ever – and she didn't say that _only_ because she was _their_ mother.

Each and every time Hari went to the market, a lot of men looked at her – some even walked right into walls, because they weren't looking where they were going. A lot of them tried to approach her, but they couldn't come near enough to even talk to her. And a lot of accidents mysteriously happened to them.

None of the Hatakes knew anything about it, honest!

But Hari was beautiful, and even with babies in her arms, men tried to woo her. Kakashi was, of course, having none of it, and often, a lot of love bites could be seen on their mother's neck. Not that she tried to do anything to hide them.

Hatakes were possessive of their mates, and Hari loved it.

"Okay", interrupted Hari, "We really should go eating. I have a meeting with the Hokage soon".

"Aa", agreed Kakashi, "and we had an all-teams training today. But apparently they weren't very interested in it".

The Genin and Jounin squirmed a bit, embarrassed, before Kurenai asked a last question. Because she had to know.

"Excuse me, hum... Miss?"

"Oh, Hatake Hari. Call me Hari", answered politely and curiously Hari, shrugging her husband's jacket and giving it back. Sakumo was done eating.

"Hari-san, then. I must ask, did you birth all of those children?" asked dubitatively Kurenai.

"Why, yes", said Hari, not understanding the question. "Isn't it obvious?".

She turned a critical eye to her children, but sure enough they all looked more or less like her.

"No – I mean, yes, it is – but... That is to say –", began Kurenai, before blurting "How can you be this slim? Your waist is smaller than mine!"

And it _was_ a good question. After that many children, Hari was still as petite and shapely as before. When Kakashi had asked, she said it has something to do with the immutability of Death, and that she was her Mistress.

He hadn't asked further. That his wife was Death's Mistress was a bit hard to swallow, even for him. It meant she was a _Goddess_!

And she was with him. It should have boosted his confidence in himself, but no such luck. He was a ninja. He was used to think and over think !

Look underneath the underneath and all that.

"Yes", beamed happily Hari. "I thought I would fatten a bit, but apparently no! I'm pretty happy, actually".

And Kurenai could really understood that. As a Kunoichi, she exercised a lot, not to be pretty, of course, but which Kunoichi didn't like to be beautiful? And this woman here didn't exercise – at least Kurenai didn't think she did. She had never seen Hari-san in a Ninja uniform before, nor in any mission. So she didn't think the woman was a ninja...

...Even if it _was_ strange to think that Kakashi had settled with a civilian. Even one as beautiful and understanding as Hari (and she had to be, seeing as all her children were ninja, or ninja-in-training).

Some had all the chance in the world.

Injustice!

Hari looked down when she felt a tug at her kimono, and saw her youngest daughter.

"Yes, Kushina-chan?", she asked curiously, shifting Sakumo in her arms to put a hand on her daughter's head.

"Kaa-chan, hungry", said Kushina softly, and Hari remembered yet again that they had a picnic planned.

"Right", she said firmly, looking lovingly at her big family. Kakashi went to her and took little Sakumo, still looking at her and her stomach a bit wearily.

Hari took his hand and pressed softly. So she was _not_ happy to be pregnant again, so soon after Sakumo. _She_ was the one who mostly stayed home when they were young, _she_ was the one who went to the market, _she_ was the one who bore them for nine months, _she_ was the one who birthed them...

 _She_ wanted a little reprieve.

But _she_ was pregnant, and in nine months would give birth to a new person, a new addition to their (admittedly already big) family.

She would have like a bit of peace, but she already loved the baby that was growing inside her.

(Still, Kakashi was going to sleep on the sofa for quite a few nights, she decided, at least until her hormones asked for him in the bed).

"Okay, kids, let's get to it. I'm famished!", exclaimed Hari, taking a big soft cover out from her little pouch, tied to the belt at her hips.

Kurenai, Gai and Asuma did a double-take, bugging eyes looking between the big cover and the little pouch. Kakashi snickered softly. _He_ had long ago learned to ignore such things!

"So, you're a Fuinjutsu master, Wife of my Eternal Rival?", asked Gai, the most softly he could. "Youthful!".

He did the nice guy pose, and Hari looked at him strangely for a moment, before looking back at her children who were putting the cover nicely on the ground.

"Err... Yes, well, not exactly", she said, before adding quickly, "But surely you will join us?", she asked, gesturing to the cover where her children already sat, Kakashi with them.

He sat amongst them, little Sakumo in his lap, playing softly with his hands but looking at the three teams in front of them.

The Jonin hesitated a bit, looking between their Genin, the Hatake children, and their own curiosity, before they relented.

"Yes, of course", agreed Asuma.

Gai took a quick look at Kakashi's warning eye before crying "Youthful!" in a whisper, and running with his clone Lee to the cover.

"We have our own bentos, of course", assured Kurenai, going slowly to the cover, her own team and Gai's two others students following her. Asuma and his team just went with them, muttered 'Mendosuke' winning a curious glance from Hari.

Then they were all on the cover, comfortably installed. Hari began to take a lot of bentos out of her pouch, much to the bewilderment of the non-Hatake ninjas.

"That's amazing! Where does it comes from?!", exclaimed Naruto, blue eyes wide with wonder.

"Ah, it's my kekkai-gekkai", explained gently Hari, before skillfully ignoring the curious stares.

She gave everyone their food, and took Kakashi's team bento.

"Here, I made those for you".

They took them uncertainly, looking from the bento to Hari, before accepting them.

Then Hari sat next to her husband, who gladly put an arm around her small shoulders, and nuzzled her softly.

The others tried not to look, they did, but it was so _fascinating_!

Kakashi Hatake, the Copy-Cat ninja, a legend in his own right... married, with fourteen children, and one (or more) coming soon...

A skilled killer, one of the Village's best ninja... a perfect father, and loving husband.

It was quite hard to swallow (and if Kurenai, Genjutsu specialist, tried to break a potential Genjutsu once or twice, she was the only one to know).

(The Hyuuga were even less discreet, with their muttered ' _Byakugan!_ ' and their stares).

(And did Sasuke really think he was discreet, with his Sharingan blazing between his half-closed eyes? He was _not_ ).

"Kaa-chan, can you put the ward up, please?", asked Tsukiko, hand raised to her mask.

Hari nodded and, under the scrutinizing eyes of Teams Seven, Eight, Nine and Eleven, just put one of her hands up. A glowing light appeared, quickly forming a dome around the cover.

The dome stayed visible for a heartbeat, before simply disappearing.

As one, all of Kakashi's children put their masks down, humming softly and beginning to eat.

"Wha– !", screamed Kiba, frantically smelling the air, Akamaru whining softly in surprise at the disappearance of most of the scents. "I can't smell anything!".

"Yes", began Akane flatly. "That's kinda the point."

"That's because Kaa-chan put the ward up", added her twin.

"So we could eat", resumed Akane.

"Without having to keep muting our senses or rushing to eat", ended Ren.

The Ninja looked between the two, a bit lost. Well, they did this to a lot of people, Kakashi knew. Their Jonin-sensei even tried to ask _him_ to make them stop, as if Kakashi could do something about it.

So much naivety in a Jonin shouldn't have been possible.

(And _of course_ the Jonin-sensei of each and every one of his children knew he was their father. How else could he threaten them?).

(Coincidentally, after the graduating years in which his children took the exam, the one who had had the _luck_ to become their teacher could then be found in a bar, twitching at the smallest sound and crying that _he hadn't signed for this!_ ).

(Kakashi didn't pity them. They had passed his children – if they hadn't, they would have had _words_ with him –, so now his kids were under their responsibilities when on a mission. It was his right to... _warn_ them, of what would happen should one of his pups end up to be MIA or, Kami forbid, KIA).

"Okay...", just said Kiba, resuming the wolfing down of his bento.

Then it was Sasuke who spoke. He had taken to stare at the Hatake boys intently, saying nothing but looking thoughtful. Then he swallowed his tomato along with his pride, and asked the question which had turned in his head incessantly since he had heard one of Masaki's sentences.

"Help me".

So that wasn't very clear, or a question, okay. He was trying here! Just saying the words almost hurt physically, but he knew he couldn't let his pride come between him and what could very well be his salvation. Some things were just more important.

"Huh?", brilliantly asked Raiden.

"You said you were experts at the avoidance of fangirls!", almost screamed Sasuke, looking at them pleadingly. "Help me!".

Hari snorted softly before putting her head in the crook of her husband's neck, laughing silently. There was a silence stretching, Sakura and Ino almost looking betrayed, while his sons concerted by glancing between themselves.

"Right", agreed grimly Masaki. "We will take you under our wing, and you will learn all that you need to survive them".

"But listen carefully", added seriously Raiden, "Our help, our rules".

"We'll _not_ put up with any ungrateful or brat-ish attitude", agreed Obito. "You will have to come live with us".

"Yes", said firmly his twin Minato, "it's a time-taking and difficult lesson. If we do this, you will become _Family_. Pack".

"And Pack just don't live somewhere else than with us", agreed seriously Yoichi, looking intently at Sasuke, who looked a bit lost.

"If you do this", resumed Raiden, "Then you do this completely".

"That's quite the engagement", warned Masaki. "We can be a bit overwhelming".

"Yes, you will change", explained Raiden, "For the better, of course".

"You'll become a honorary Hatake!", beamed Minato, always the happy guy.

"Yeah, adopted and all", agreed his twin, nodding seriously. "However, you will have to pass the test".

"We don't accept everyone in the Pack", said Raiden. "You have to prove yourself worthy".

"And you will need Tou-chan and _Kaa-chan_ permission, of course", piped Hanako.

"Oh, true, true, sister of mine", appraised Raiden. "Can we test and adopt him, Kaa-chan?"

Kakashi thought vaguely that he ought to feel offended that his own child didn't think to ask him but went directly for the kill and asked his mother, but decided that it wasn't worth the headache.

"Kaa-chan", pleaded Minato, "He's assaulted by fangirls, and lives alone! He can't defend himself! You must hear his plight and understand his distress!" Minato was also the dramatic one. Well, one of those.

"Remember this one time in Vegetable Country, when we were in holidays and Tou-chan agreed not to wear his mask? You had to beat the women away from him all day!", spoke softly Obito, something akin to terror in his voice.

Kakashi was rarely gladder for his mask than in this moment, when the others stopped watching the drama for a bit and looked at him with curiosity, and a devouring interest. They couldn't see him blush. If fact, he didn't even blush. No one had any proof.

"Alright", laughed Hari, even if her green eyes glowed warningly at the memory of this day.

The nerves of these women! Kakashi was _hers_! Kakashi just squeezed her shoulders softly.

"If he indeed passes the test, then I guess we can give it a try. What do you say?", she asked a lost Uchiha.

"H-huh?", he mumbled. He hadn't expected this. Sure, he knew something as precious as a guide to escape fangirls wouldn't come free. He was ready to pay the price – as the last Uchiha, he had quite a bit of money.

It was a sacrifice he was ready to make.

Then it went on how it would make him an honorary Hatake! He didn't see the link at all!

...Then again, it could be some sort of Clan Secret. Yes, that could be it! That _had_ to be it!

He thought about it seriously, frowning and measuring the pros and cons.

On one hand, he wanted nothing more than to become strong, kill his brother, and repopulate his Clan. He didn't want useless bonds, family nor friends. He could try to accept but not form any bond, yet he somehow doubted it would work.

On the other hand, he would be saved from the horror that were fangirls. He wouldn't have to go back to a deserted Clan Compound, wouldn't have to see blood stains on the floors and walls, wouldn't wake up in the dead of the night thinking he had heard a scream only to find himself surrounded by the deafening silence of a deserted compound haunted by memories of dead.

He also would have the opportunity to be stronger. Hell, the youngest twins didn't look more than seven, and they were already Chunin! There was an opportunity here...

He looked at his sensei, who looked back, lone black eye impassive but serious.

He gulped. It was a lot...

But if he was honest with himself, he _wanted_ to accept. He looked at each of the Hatakes, children and parents both, and they only looked back patiently.

Then...

... He nodded, agreeing with the proposition.

He didn't hear the strangled screams of protest of his two worst fangirls, the cheering voices of the Hatakes around him drowning them.

"I guess you will come too, right?", asked softly Hanako, looking at a silent Naruto.

Said blonde looked up in surprise, but couldn't answer quickly enough.

"Yeah, you must have a lot of fangirls too!", piped Asami, looking at him curiously.

He looked down, so they didn't see the flash of hurt in his eyes. Apparently, even Kakashi-sensei's children liked to make fun of him.

"Ahah!", he forced a laugh, a false smile on his face. "No, I don't have any fangirls!"

"Huh?", frowned Akane.

"Why ever for?", asked her twin, Ren.

"I guess they just can't see what they miss!"

"Well, I think you're cute", affirmed Tsukiko, decisively ignoring her father's choked sound.

"You – really ?", wondered Naruto hopefully, large azure eyes peering up at her.

"Hell, yeah!", agreed her twin Yuriko. "Blond hair and blue eyes, that's a score, but yours are especially beautiful".

"Hmm", nodded sagely Hanako, "looks like gold and sapphire".

"Sun!" beamed happily little Kushina, walking on all four towards Naruto and sitting herself in his lap.

"I mean, Sasuke-kun is cute, yes, but black eyes and black hair? That's boring", explained seriously Miyako. "Blue-eyed, blond-haired? That's quite rare".

"Yeah, you make it look good", agreed Hanako teasingly.

The twins Akane and Ren looked at each other, before only shrugging.

"We think",

"That you're cute".

"What do you think, Kaa-chan?"

In the background, Kakashi was choking on air, looking and listening at the scene with horror. His baby Himes were _gushing_ over a boy! They were all way too young! He looked at his wife with hope.

His sons were in more or less the same state, looking back and forth between Naruto and their gushing sisters.

They were torn: their _sisters_ were saying a guy was cute (And Akane and Ren were _only six, for Kami's sake!_ ), so they very much wanted to have _words_ with said guy. But on the other hand... Naruto might need the training-to-escape-fangirls, and it was their duty to help fellow men in the need.

Even against their own sisters.

"I think that you're cute, yes", said gently Hari to a blushing Naruto, and Kakashi whimpered. "More importantly, you're _warm_. You have this light that comes from your eyes... More than your looks, it's your soul that is beautiful".

An embarrassed Naruto looked down, hugging softly the little girl in his arms.

"Th – thanks", was his strangled response – and _no_ , there was no tears in his eyes.

"I guess you will have to pass the test, too", finished Hari, before adding softly, "but from what I can see, you're sure to pass".

Naruto finally looked up, and on his face was the softest, warmest, and most beautiful smile he had ever seen, directed towards him or not.

"Yeah, I guess... Thanks".

A soft and peaceful silence settled over the protective dome. From gawking Genin and Jonin, to hugging Hatakes, to hugged new additions to the Pack (and Sasuke looked distinctively ill-at-ease and blushing), there was nothing else to say.

Except...

"I don't get a choice?!" whined plaintively Kakashi.

His wife shushed him with a kiss, snuggling between his legs and putting his arms around her, one hand on her belly where their child was growing. She sighed happily, green eyes looking warmly at the scene in front of them, Sakumo sleeping in her arms.

"So", murmured softly Kakashi in her ear. "A new baby?"

"Yeah", answered lovingly his wife. "A new little one".

And, really, Kakashi found he didn't really need a choice.

You don't need choice when you already have perfection.

* * *

A new Jonin was instituted, and he joined some of his friends in the Jonin lounge, entering that sacred ground for the first time. They talked and laughed, while his friends pointed for him all of the grand names presently in the lounge.

"There's Asuma Sarutobi, of course. Don't go near him if you don't like smoke. As Hokage-sama does, he's always smoking. Then there's Kurenai – quite the beauty, right ? Don't get your hopes up, she and Asuma are chasing each other – and Gai – don't try to talk to him if you don't want to be traumatized", advised one of his friend.

"They seem a bit... off?", he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah... There's a bet on the cause, but no one really know. What we're sure of, is that it's in rapport with Kakashi".

"Sharingan no Kakashi ?", came his awed question.

The man was a _legend_. One still _alive_ , at that!

"Yeah. The four of them are friends, but nowadays they apparently treat him differently. Don't know what he did, though", said his puzzled friend.

"He's not here?", asked the new Jonin, looking around the lounge curiously.

His friends only laughed.

"Hatake? No, he's almost never here. Actually, no one quite knows what he does on his off-days. He's never here, except when he's forced by either Asuma, Kurenai or Gai. He's always late, too. What he does in the meantime is anybody's guess".

"So he's really always late?", he asked curiously.

Hatake Kakashi was almost more famous for his lateness than for his deeds in Konoha. And his deeds were famous indeed.

"Oh, yeah. Never saw him in time, except for really important missions".

"... Hokage-sama let him be?", he asked, flabbergasted.

"He's that good", shrugged his friend.

There was a bit of silence, before he thought out loud.

"I wonder what would happen if Kakashi-san happened to be on time. No, better yet, _in advance_ ".

There was no warning, no sound, nothing.

One moment he was talking, the next a kunai was held at his throat, and killing intent washed over him. Kurenai and Asuma were both next to him, looking exceptionally deadly serious.

"Don't. Ever. Say. Something. Like. That. _Ever. Again_ ", stressed Asuma.

Kurenai fiercely nodded her agreement, eyes darting nervously from one point to the other, body tense – as if waiting for something to happen.

"Yes. You don't know – you _can't_ know what could happen", she said.

"Saying it out loud could jinx it", warned Asuma, putting his kunai away. "Sorry about that, it's the nerves".

"Wha – what the hell are you talking about?", finally managed to stutter the new Jonin.

"Listen, kid", said Asuma gravely. "Kakashi had been in adv-", he looked nervously around him, before resuming in a hushed tone. "Kakashi had been in advance once. It was – it's –...".

"It's a life-altering experience", explained Kurenai softly, when it became clear that Asuma couldn't finish his sentence. "Not bad, mind you, but... It's as if... All of what you knew was suddenly false".

"Your world crashes down at your feet", emphasized Asuma.

"Nothing will ever be the same. I – I don't think I could live through something like that again", said Kurenai.

The lounge was tense, and everyone jumped when a shout was suddenly heard, kunai in hand and chakra malaxed and at the ready. But alas, it was not an attack, but a quite normal occurrence – especially nowadays.

"My Eternal Rival Is So Youthfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul!"

* * *

Some years later, Itachi Uchiha was dragged back to Konoha by his little brother Sasuke, and his little brother's own adoptive brothers and sisters. It has been a Pack Operation, with all of the oldest of Sasuke's chosen siblings: the Hatakes and Naruto.

They had tracked Itachi, isolated him, interrogated him, then came back with him to Konoha once they learned the truth. They gave their evidence and Itachi's testimony to their mother, who only smiled grimly and with way to much threat.

Itachi was then adopted in the Pack, much to his bewilderment (he was a bit lost with all that was happening to him, actually, but went with it gladly), and welcomed back in Konoha, and Konoha's Elders died by accidents.

Homuro tripped on nothing while walking in a street, and broke his neck. Kimura was eating peacefully in a restaurant, and chocked on a bone. Nothing that was done could save her.

Finally, Danzo died stupidly. He was talking in a meeting requested by the Civilian Council, walked down the stairs, miscalculated and fell. He opened his head and died within the hour.

A lot of ninja then returned to Konoha's official ranks, seals on their tongues broken, and under therapy – but then, which Ninja isn't?

There was also an attack from Otogakure, led by Orochimaru; and Sunagakure, manipulated by the same Sannin, during the Chunin exam.

It was an epic fail which entered History. For them.

From the Snakes who suddenly stopped to listen to Orochimaru and took back his contract with them, saying they would never forgive him for daring to attack their Queen (no one really understood, and no one saw Manda incline herself in front of Hari, whose pupils had become slits like a snake's), to the Summons of the Hatake (because some had the Snakes, others the Dogs, others the Wolves, others the Phoenixes, and somehow Hari had all of them plus the _Dragons_ , whose Boss was The Apocalypse Dragon), they didn't have even the half of a chance.

Gaara, the Shukaku Jinchuriki, had a long conversation with both Naruto and Hari. No one really knew what was said that day, only that Shukaku suddenly choose to cooperate, as did Kurama (Not even a demon would be foolish enough to dare try to go against Death's Mistress).

Gaara could now sleep, and became the Kazekage. He was the youngest person to even become Kage, and married Hinata.

They had two boys, twins, and a little girl.

Akatsuki was dismantled when they tried to kidnap Naruto. None of the Hatake, by blood or adoption, took kindly to that fact. The most surprised were probably the two so-called Immortals, Hidan and Kakuzu, who died very quickly indeed.

Hari only said they were stupid if they thought they could evade her forever.

(No one asked her what she meant. It's called _Survival Instinct_. She had just given birth not too long ago, and couldn't get enough sleep in her nights. You learn quickly to shut up and obey).

The only Hatakes who hadn't tracked Itachi were Kushina, Sakumo, and their little twin siblings Emi and Eiji.

Sadly for Kakashi, it has been twins, and a girl.

Thankfully for him, Hari was so in love of her last born (as she was of all of her children) that she didn't castrate him. And there _was_ a boy.

Still, they were way too young to leave the relative security of Konoha, and the absolute security of their home.

Hari didn't come either. She stayed with her youngest children. Kakashi went with them, if only to be sure they wouldn't dare try to die on him (and if it happened that he wasn't here when Hari, deprived of sleep, was very angry and lashed out on people, well... It was _only_ a coincidence!).

Hari and Kakashi didn't have any more children, they decided sixteen was good enough. Plus Kakashi was nearing 39, and Hari 38, and while that wasn't exactly old, Kakashi had lived way beyond his life expectancy as a ninja.

Maybe it was because he had a reason not to die now, a reason to return home. Maybe it was because he had colleagues who could watch his back, and whose backs he could watch (you just can't be wary of your own children or wife).

Naruto became Hokage, as his father was before him. He married Tsukiko, whose green eyes always shined warmly when they come upon him. They had four children, three girls and a boy.

Sasuke married Hanako. She was two years older than him, but they were just perfect together. They were both calm and serious (it came with being the last of one's Clan, and the oldest of sixteen), and were well-balanced. They had three children, one boy and two girls.

Sasuke became the Hokage's personal guard, protecting his brother's life from any and all assassination attempts.

(Not that Naruto really _needed_ it. But they had some fun).

All of the Hatakes children married (to Kakashi's despair... None of the brats were good enough for his Himes! Not even Sasuke nor Naruto! ) and they all had at least three children.

It came with coming from a big and loving family. An only child wouldn't ever feel alone, seeing that they all lived in the Hatake Clan Compound together, but the parents naturally wanted several children.

No one protested. And for all his grudge against his sons-in-law, Kakashi loved his grand-children.

Sadly, none of her daughters took Hari's body when it came to birthing, and they began to look enviously at their mother's hourglass figure.

Kakashi retired (the best he could, of course), and stayed happily at home with his wife, children, grand-children, and Icha-Icha.

All in all, all was damn near perfect in Konoha.

* * *

Hari's pregnant.

Sakumo : (2 months old). -silver hair, black eyes.

Kushina : (3 years old) - red hair, brown eyes.

Akane (=brillant red, F) & Ren (=water lily, F) : (6 years old) - red hair (chinese buns), one black eyes, the other green.

Masaki (=flourishing tree, M) & Tsukiko (=moon-child, F) & Yuriko (=hundred-perfect-child, F) : (9 years old) - silver hair, M&T green eyes, Yuriko black.

Obito & Minato & Miyako (=beautiful night child, F) : (13 years old) - black hair, green eyes, Miyako black eyes.

Asami (=morning beauty, F) & Raiden (=thunder/lightning, M) : (11 years old) - one black hair, other silver, one green eyes, other black.

Yoichi (=clear/sun/pride first son, M) & Hanako (=flower child, F) : (15 years old) - silver hair, green eyes.

Emi (=beautiful blessing, F) & Eiji (=great, peace, M), yet-to-be-born twins.

Kakashi = 36

Hari = 35

Wed at 19.

Males : Yoichi, Raiden, Obito, Minato, Masaki, Sakumo, Eiji.

Filles : Hanako, Asami, Miyako, Tsukiko, Yuriko, Akane, Ren, Kushina, Emi.

...

YAY ! It took me so much time to end this (Alright, so maybe not, but I had to re-read myself again and again...).

Well, I do hope you liked it. Reviews ?

(At least tell me if my writing is good ? You know, French here, and all...) + I corrected some errors (like the ANBU, I'm really sorry for those)

Bye !

 **[EDIT]** I corrected it all over again ! There should be much less mistakes now, I can't believe I had left that many! Maybe there's still some, but I really did my best


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